Music is Therapy 034:Remember When "F*@k You I Won't Do What You Tell Me" Was Therapy?

Hi, I’m Hesta Prynn—DJ, licensed therapist and creator of Music Connection Therapy. This is a community where we use music to FEEL BETTER.

This post is for everyone who showed up because of the Rage Against the Machine carousel. Welcome. You’re pissed and you should be.

Quick: What Are You Angry About Right Now?

Don’t think. Just answer.

What’s the first thing that came to mind?

Got it?

See how fast that was. You knew immediately.

And yet... if you’re like most people, you’re keeping it locked down.

Because in 2025, unlike say, 1992, there’s no room for productive anger.

(psst - tell me what you’re mad about, it will stay bt you and me)

What I’m Angry About At the Moment

Currently I’m feeling angry about a bunch of shit, some big and “important” and I would feel okay telling you - state of the world type stuff, reproductive rights, you know things we should all feel angry about.

But I’m also mad about personal things, like gigs I didn’t get, or, say the lack of gluten free food in Barcelona where I’m currently writing this post.

I posted that carousel about the neuroscience of RATM, which is maybe how you found me, and the number of people who pointed out in the comments that the song I used was actually a Cypress Hill cover AS IF I DIDN’T KNOW IT, as if I didn’t spend my entire twenties following Muggs from one strip club to another really bothered me.

I give myself a B+ in rising above comment section pettiness because FUCK THIS IS ENRAGING.

I’m sharing this to illustrate a point.

Writing the above makes me feel cringey AF. The word “privilege” comes to mind, and on any other day my instinct is to immediately shut this down and choose a better narrative for myself.

(I am a therapist, after all!)

There is No Room for Productive Anger in 2025

We’re allowed to protest the big stuff we should all feel angry about (NO KINGS!), but we are most definitely not allowed to be angry about the personal things in our lives.

The things that overwhelm us, make us anxious, burn us out. Things like aging, money, our kids (!), our life choices.

I think for a lot of us when we listen to the records we loved in the 90s, we’re really allowing ourselves to revisit the part of us that felt everything, anger included.

Case in Point

Do I remember the first time I saw this? You bet I do. It was on MTV, I was in high school, it stopped me DEAD IN MY TRACKS like quite literally I remember standing on my white carpet with my CD rack and everything. I was like

WHAT

IS

THIS

When I was growing up in the 90s, girls were most def not allowed to be angry.

Many books have been written on this - here’s the best one. Our anger got managed, medicated, pathologized into submission. All of this we know.

For many of us, Courtney gave us permission. Shirley, Alanis, Fiona, Tori, every incredible artist who showed the full range of emotion before it was Spice Girl-ified into commercialism.

(That’s for another post...)

Back in 1992

I remember listening to Rage Against the Machine on my Discman (lol) while I walked around the track at school.

That was gym class, you walked around and the teacher gave you “tickets.” At the end of class you handed in your tickets. That was gym class. I remember thinking it was as stupid then as I do now.

It’s hard to explain quite how revolutionary it was listening to “Killing in the Name” when it first came out.

That you could feel this feeling so intensely, and put words to it, and say it out loud. It blew my mind right open.

It changed my nervous system forever, and for all of us who had this experience, it’s as responsible for our development as school was.

If you relate to this, please leave a comment, I’d love you to help me put words to this experience, because it is so important

Rage Against the Machine: The Science

As a licensed clinician (ahem!) I can tell you with certainty - these lyrics weren’t just catharsis. They were quite literally rewiring our brains.

“Now you do what they told ya” → Your brain learns to see the pattern. To name it.

“Now you’re under control” → Your nervous system identifies the threat. This isn’t safety. This is compliance.

“Fuck you I won’t do what you tell me” (x16) → Sixteen bars of pure pattern interruption (a term I thought I made up but upon a google maybe I didn’t, altho maybe I did). Your body learning that refusal is survivable. That saying no doesn’t kill you.

They converted powerlessness into agency in one song.

It’s 2025: Here’s What I’m Seeing in my Practice

I’m seeing this exact same thing - the repression of anger, except I’m seeing it in men. Especially Gen-Z men who are in relationships.

They think their anger is a problem.

They’ve been told that real growth means transcending it. That “good” men don’t rage. That if they’re still angry, they’re not “doing the work”. So they present overly passive or completely shut down.

When did we all agree that the correct response to a broken system is deep breathing exercises?

What Happens to Suppressed Anger?

It becomes anxiety. It becomes the tight feeling in your chest that never goes away. It becomes depression, alcoholism, lying, cheating, you hating yourself for reasons you can’t pinpoint. It becomes illness. The more you push it down, the stronger it gets. This is so real.

What You Can Actually Do With It

First: Stop rationalizing it away. Your anger, about ANYTHING, is information. It’s your nervous system saying “this isn’t okay” or “I don’t like this.” That’s not something to be scared of. That’s clarity.

Second: Know your enemy. Figure out what’s actually enraging you. When you can point at the actual thing, you stop your anger from eating you alive.

Third: USE MUSIC. Put on “Killing in the Name” and scream FUCK YOU all sixteen times. This isn’t about catharsis, it’s about practice and exposure therapy. Your brain needs to know that saying no won’t kill you. Any angry song you connect to works for this.

Fourth: Take one productive action. Just one. After you have raged, send the email. Set the boundary. Say no to the request. Here’s a playlist to get you started. Message me if you need help.

To Everyone Who Just Got Here

Guys, Brad Wilk commented on the Rage carousel. BRAD WILK - the drummer behind the songs that taught our entire generation how to set boundaries!

He gave me the co-sign. Maybe I’m onto something.

I love therapy, but I’m over “good vibes only” wellness. It feels like another flavor of suppression. Here’s what I think:

Your anger is not a flaw.
It’s a compass.

It’s pointing to what you shouldn’t keep tolerating.
It’s highlighting the places where something needs to change.

Music Connection Therapy: Level One

If you’re new here, in my Music Connection Therapy: Level 1 course, we work with these signals.

You name what you actually want in one area of your life, you identify what’s in the way, and you take one aligned action.

There’s no self-destruction or chaos, and there are lots of good playlists, which I call “records”, you’ll get used to it :)

You can download Module One for free if you want to explore it.

I love you and I love this community.
—Hesta

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